4th of JULY IN PROVO AND A 10K

Ahhhhh summer fun. But now I am excited for it to cool down so I can get out my sweaters and start making pumpkin everything! Can I just tell you how much I LOVE pumpkin :)

So here it is...six months later, but at least I'm doing it! This birth story is SO worth writing about. A beautiful experience for such a beautiful baby (can't believ he's six months already!!) If I would have shared my experience the morning of March 29th, it probably would have had a slightly different tone than it will here. That is because time has an interesting way of teaching, softening, and helping one realize certain things. That must be why as imperfect people here on earth we have "time"...cause without time we wouldn't be able to learn!

So Monday March 29th, contractions started early afternoon. They got more consistent and harder as the evening went on, but were still just light. We actually had Family Home Evening with Robbie's aunts and uncle and cousins and that was nice cause it distracted me a bit. I had decided part way through this pregnancy that I wanted to do it natural. I had an epidural with both Bree and Gabe, and had great experiences, But there was something in me that just wanted to try. Wanted to prove to myself that I could do it. Around 9 PM I started timing the contractions. They were still 7-10 minutes a part, only 30 seconds long, and not too hard. I tried to go to bed, but just as I would doze off a contraction would start. So after about an hour after that I went out to the front room and turned on a movie (Meet the Parents...needed something funny), just needing something to keep my mind occupied. I was wishing it was the day time and I could be playing with the kids cause I could imagine Bree saying, "You can do it mom! You'll be ok!" But, Meet the Parents would have to do :) As they got harder and closer together I found myself on my hands and knees, just breathing through them. I wanted to get Robbie, but I knew if we ended up in the hospital that night it would be better if he had some sleep. And  I could handle them. I was feeling SO grateful and really happy that my water hadn't broken and I could stay home and labor as long as I thought. About 1 AM I called my doctor because the contractions had gotten harder, were 3-5 minutes a part, and were about 1 minute long. (The cue to go to the hospital is if that stays consistent for an hour = the contractions 3-5 minutes a part, 1 minute long, and getting harder) Though it had only been 30 minutes, since I had tested + for Strep B (they test your urine a few weeks before you're due...everyone actually has it and it's not harmful, just at different times does it travel through your urine for a few months, and then it goes away...if you have it when you are delivering there is a possibility it can cause infection in the baby) they like to run an IV with antibiotics for the baby before you deliver. So I thought I maybe should go in a little earlier so they could start those for my baby. He said yes come in, and we arrived around 1:45 AM. On the way in the car the contractions were getting harder. (My legs get REALLY shaky when I'm in hard labor, and I figured out this time around that it must be when I am dilating.) I tried to prep myself the whole way to the hospital to not be discouraged if I was only dilated to like a 4 or something when I arrived...not trying to get my hopes up. But when they checked me I was almost an 8!! I was SO HAPPY!
The next hour was so intense. But the miracle was this sweet nurse named Leslie. I could NOT have done it without her! And without tips from my sweet friend Nicole who delivered her last baby naturally whom I had talked to a couple weeks prior. She said that she told her husband not to let her have an epidural...and if she asked for it to remind her that they didn't want one...so I told that to Robbie and he was so good..."Jesika you know you don't really want one. We talked about this, you can do hard things (thank you Janae! That was from you! I love that!). Just make it through this contraction..." He was so good :) And Nicole told me that with every contraction think about that it's just moving my baby down, bringing him out. That visual helped a ton. And then Leslie would just say the perfect things..."Your body was made to do this. Just breath through it, faster now, just make it through this one..." in this perfectly calm, serene, inspiring voice. There were several times when I would just cry out, "I can't do this!!" and Robbie and Leslie would just keep encouraging me. Leslie was an angel. Literally. I was SO exhausted. My mouth was SO dry and Robbie would give me ice. I think I had my eyes closed for that whole time of hard labor. And my sweet husband was so great (compared to our first delivery when he was "saying all the wrong things" bless his heart :)  every time a contraction would come I was up on the bed on all fours and I would just breath and he would put the palms of his hands on my lower back (which was where the most pain was) and rub back and forth. It was really helpful and he was so patient with me...cause it had to be just right. I could hardly talk but I found myself yelling at him, "No UP! DOWN! HARDER! HONEY C'MON!" while he's cheering me on. So amazing they still love us after what we put them through sometimes! Then during the 2 minutes or so of rest in between I would just have my head in my hands and catch my breath, shaking like crazy. BUT, I was learning how to handle the pain. So it honestly seemed like as the contractions went on, instead of freaking out at the climax of the contraction and screaming, "I can't do this!" like I did for the first little while, they actually got easier because of my ability and knowledge of how to handle them. Leslie said when a contraction comes and I feel like I need to poop then she would check me...so after one where I felt like I needed to push she checked me and said, "The baby's head is right there, I'll go get the doctor!" Now with Bree and Gabe once they told me I could push since I had been restful on the epidural I got this huge adrenaline rush and felt like, "Ya baby! Let's get this baby out!" And I was so excited! But with this one, I was just so exhausted. I didn't know if I could do it! When Leslie said, "Ok when you feel the next contraction push..." I just yelled, "I can't! I just want to die!" (I'm laughing and crying as I am writing this!) I pushed the first push and could hardly breath afterwards. I did NOT know how I was going to push again. In my head it was like, I can't do this. I don't have anything left. BUT, there is no going back?! I can't just stop right here...like I have to go through with it. The only thing I could do was say a prayer for strength and then gave it my all. Nicole couldn't have described "the ring of fire" any better :) And as my friend Natalie (who just had her fourth baby naturally, and at home) said, "When that baby is coming out you roar your woman roar!" I'm pretty sure I roared. Two more pushes and he was out.
It was crazy. I was so completely wasted afterwards that when they put McKay on my chest I was bawling and just said, "I love you baby but I just need to catch my breath..." and was just shaking like crazy and was so happy it was over. (If this doesn't make you want to have a baby naturally then I don't know what will :) But I talked to my brother Mike a few hours afterwards, and it's neat thinking about it all now and the parallels with the gospel and the Atonement. What an amazing thing to experience. Doing something for someone else, who is totally incapable of doing it on his own. Made me love my Savior even more. I am SO glad and grateful I did it. I feel empowered, and humbled. If it wouldn't have been for Leslie though I honestly don't think I would have. She was my angel in the garden. And what a blessing to experience that. Michael asked if I felt closer to McKay because of doing it naturally. And do you know what? I don't. The spiritual experiences were there with the other two but just in different ways...like with Gabe I went in, light labor but my water had broken, got the epidural, a few hours later they said, "His head is here you're ready to push!" Got that adrenaline and pushed him out...everything was so calm and beautiful. They put him on my chest and Robbie and I just smiled and the spirit was so strong. He was here. He was healthy. What a miracle. The room was so peaceful. And with Bree it was amazing being it was our first. Having that little life, fresh from heaven, placed in your arms for the first time is unforgettable. But honestly I just feel more mature this time around. More like a natural mother with McKay. Nothing awkward, nothing new and weird. I knew my breasts were going to hurt like a mother in the next few days so it wasn't as bad, I new I was probably going to be emotional and tired, and that things would probably be crazy...and they were, but it was wonderful. Seemed SO much easier than the other two transitions. So I guess I can say my love for McKay is greater only because of my love for Bree and Gabe and my experience being their mother. So it's all actually quite equal. Maybe the father of the prodigal son loved and welcomed back his wayward son with such happiness and gratitude because of his love for his righteous older son? Because he knew the blessing of having a righteous son.
Whatever the case may be, it was a beautiful birth. Right after the experience all I could think about was how my next births I will get an epidural :) But now (don't hold me to it) but I'm pretty sure I'll do the rest naturally. I think I will get better at it too, cause after all, this is what God created us for, right? Ha, we'll see when the next one comes! Hopefully I can request Leslie as my nurse!

My beautiful, wonderful sister Lizzy graduated Cum Laude from Fordham Law School in NYC last weekend! I honestly get emotional thinking about it...she has worked SO hard over these past three years and I am so proud of her!  She said, "I really am grateful that I've been able to have this experience in Law School. I wanted to be a mom long before I ever wanted to have this degree, but it is amazing how God works and gives us what we need to make us grow. So I guess I would say that knowing that this is God's plan for me, I wouldn't want it any other way, and I know that everything is happening in his timing. I am grateful and really wouldn't change it." I know she has changed the lives of those around her and been an amazing light and example of good. I think everyone has experiences in life where you realize that you can't choose exactly how things are going to go. (I forget this too often!) And once you let go and trust in God you learn that God's plans are always better in the long run. I love you my dear sister...and as Bree says, "GRADULATIONS!" (Combination of graduation and congratulations :) 

Our sweet little McKay isn't so little anymore! He is almost two months old and has grown out of all his 0-3 month clothes! At birth he was 7.1 lbs, at one month he weighed 10.1 lbs, and I'm going to get him weighed this week and am so curious how much he is since he has outgrown the size 1 diapers (which say 8-15 lbs...but there's no way he's 15lbs!). He has mastered the art of pooping out of his diapers, up onto his back...he's so good that he can do it numerous times a day, especially when I'm out running errands! He has been smiling so much this past week and we all get so excited :) His neck is getting strong, he is sleeping well, and is just a little angel! Bree and Gabe are still so great with him. Bree is getting really good at burping him and feels so big when she gets to carry him :) It has been a blessing to have her help! I can only imagine once she gets older what a great help she'll be!
Things are a little crazy around here though because we just bought a house (ha ha, nice timing with a newborn!)! We've been looking for a while, and  though this one isn't in the location we eventually want (ideal location would be in Scottsdale really close to Robbie's work. But we'll have to save for a long while to afford that!), it is in a nice neighborhood in Mesa, closer to his office than our current house, and has a den where Robbie could work from home a day or two a week. It was a forclosed home that needed quite a bit of work on the inside...new paint, new carpet, new bath tub, cabinets, etc... and we're trying do all we can ourselves. We were supposed to close sooner, but just closed on Thursday, and we have to be out of this rental house by June 1st!! So we spent all weekend tearing out tile (well, Robbie and his awesome cousin Parker did :) buying supplies and fixtures, sweeping, planning, meeting workers...and we are just praying that everything will be finished by this weekend so we can move in! Needless to say, this week will be filled with packing and tons of work! But we are SO excited to have our own place! There will still be a lot of work once we get in, and it will be a long time before it will be furnished and decorated (we'll have to save for a while :) but the big stuff will be done and it will be such a wonderful place for our family to live and grow. I can already picture the kids and Robbie wrestling on the carpet!

Cute things from this week: We were driving in the car and Bree said, "Mom, when I'm a mom I'm going to teach my kids what you teach me." Me, "What do I teach you?" Bree, " Mmm (with a shrug), just good stuff." Made me smile so big :)
Bree and Gabe have been loving to watch  the movie "Singin' in the Rain" (it's an old musical classic I grew up on) and I'll catch Gabe in our room in front of the mirror singing one of the songs, "Make em' laugh"...and he'll put on Bree's tap shoes and try to tap like the guys on the movie...it is so funny!

Here's to a wonderful week!  

Yes, it is true. It's day #33 of being on bed rest and let's just say it's been a roller coaster. It's amazing how many girls after learning that I am on bed rest have told me about when they were on bed rest, and for many of them far longer than I. It's been nice feeling like I'm not alone in this, and if they did it for FOUR months, I can do it for two, right? Bree and Gabe have been little troopers. Bree is surely the sweetest little girl on the planet: Getting a washcloth to wipe hers and Gabe's mouths, helping Gabe get his shoes, getting a diaper and wipies for me to change Gabe, getting them a snack, being so sweet to her brother...and almost always helping with "Oh sure mom!" and a happy attitude. Gabe has had a harder time dealing with mommy on the couch, but in his own sweet way has been such a good boy. He will be getting ready to go to a friend's house or something and will ask, "Mommy come too?" And I'll say, "I can't, remember..." and he'll say, "Doctor say no." And then cheerfully say, "Bye mommy!" as he runs out the door. And of course the #1 husband I have has been amazing...couldn't be more perfect. Honestly. I am so grateful for him, and honestly this would be so much harder if he didn't already help out so much anyway!

So for anyone who is curious about life on bed rest, I compiled a Top 10 Best and Worst List. (Let's be honest, I wouldn't be showing a truthful picture if I just highlighted the Top 10 good things!) So here is goes:


Top Ten WORST Things About Being On Bed Rest:

10. Finishing your "To Do" list (of all the things from like the past year I haven't been able to to finish!) and then wondering what else I can do that is productive...Robbie jokingly suggested starting an online business to make us some money (ummm, only half jokingly...he told me about a friend of his whose wife did that when she was on bed rest "and made them a ton of money"...I started trying to think of some ideas but it didn't take me long to think about what time I could spend on it after the baby comes?! Ha, I was feeling pretty productive until he suggested that!)
9. Having to look at stuff left out all over the house, not being able to pick it up or cook for my family or clean, but trying to remind myself that if I over do it and end up in labor my baby will be in the NICU and I will be sorry!
8. Watching moms, friends, and my husband do EVERYTHING!
7. Having an emotional breakdown after 1 month and realizing that I still have 1 month to go...and it seems like eternity!
6. Taking anti-contraction medication that makes you feel like you had "coffee on steroids" (that's seriously how the doctor described it!) and being all shaky with a head-ache!
5. Yearning...dying to go for at least a walk outside!
4. Wanting to do something to thank all of the people who are helping me but not being able to come up with anything other than measly thank you cards!
3. Feeling like every muscle in my body is turning to mush, trying not to think about all of the extra weight gain sitting on my rear all day, and thinking about how hard it is going to be getting back in shape!
2. Hearing your child say when grandma is trying to help, "No! Mommy help me!" and not being able to (and then hearing her carry him away to the bath screaming!).
1. Bascially the feeling that your emotional well being is slowly declining and you don't have any control over it!
Phew! Oh that was pretty negative. Sorry. But now, the
Top Ten BEST Things About Being On Bed Rest:

10. Having some time to do all of those things I have wanted to do for the past year! (Like Gabe's 1st Year baby book, plan and organize food storage, file and organize all the bill records and stuff in the filing cabinet (don't worry Robbie got it down for me), get everything planned and ready for baby to come, write some letters I have been feeling prompted to write, planning family holiday traditions, read some books, catch up on my blog, etc...)
9. Getting to take naps.
8. Doing a meaningful scripture study every day.
7. Getting totally caught up on the news! I love feeling like I am informed (even though I know after baby #3 comes it may be a really long time before I have time to read the news again!).
6. Catching up on family and friends' blogs (that I haven't looked at for so long!)
5. Seeing SO many people who are willing to help: take my children, bring meals, calling, sending texts, and checking up on me...it's been unbelievable.
4. Being able to actually answer my phone when friends and family call.
3. Learning to let things go (like what Bree is wearing when she goes out the door...this morning it was a black skirt, dark pink shirt, different shade of pink with cream polka-dots button-up sweater, white tights with a huge hole on the shin and a dirt mark on the other leg, silver shoes, and a wooden beaded necklace from the West Indies...at least we got her hair done.)
2. Having my kids return from playing somewhere or being out with grandma or something and come running through the door towards me on the couch, "Mommy we're home!" and giving me the biggest hugs like they haven't seen me for days :)
1. Gaining a new appreciation for how much I love to be a mom who gets to dedicate all of her time to her family and home. How much I love to help my children, cook for my family, exercise, have a clean house, and be normal! (Honestly I think after this baby comes out I will just cry when I can pick up Gabe and hold him...or when I first get to go running...)

Yes, it has been a roller-coaster. But I must remember:
D&C 58: 3-4

"Ye cannot behold with your natural eyes, for the present time, the design of your God concerning those things which shall come hereafter, and the glory which shall follow after much tribulation.
For after much tribulation come the blessings..."

And my favorite by Elder Wirthlin:

"If we approach adversities wisely, our hardest times can be the times of greatest growth, which in turn can lead to times of greatest happiness."

So for the next month (or less?) I'm going to try and focus on the Top 10 Best Things about this bed rest challenge :)