Harmon's Haven

Meet amazing dad Robbie, mother-in-training Jesika, 7 year old best big sister Bree, 5 year old boy in every way Gabe, 3 year old who thinks he's 10 years old who makes us all laugh McKay,
and 9 month old sweetest Quinn Marie...the Harmon Family!

Sunday, August 11, 2013

I wouldn't want to come either...

It has been a week of waiting, unmet expectations, and a lot of disappointment. And really it is only my own fault. Even though my Dr. thought I would have her my now, I still shouldn't have gotten my hopes up so high. At my appointment a week and a half ago my Dr. said, "Oh you will most likely have her this week." 80% effaced and 2 cm dilated. So I made plans accordingly. A week passes, Thursday comes and he is surprised I'm still pregnant, checks me and since I have gone to 3 cm asks if I want him to strip my membranes. "Do you want to go into labor?" he asks with a smile? "Cause if I do this then you probably will..." "YES!" I exclaim. Please!
Now it is Sunday.
But honesty I wouldn't want to come to earth either. This world is so scary. She is in a safe, beautiful, calm place right now with others who love her. She probably doesn't want to say good-bye to all of them. And she is coming as the fourth child. To a mom who is trying but frankly, struggles. A mom who is scared about being able to give enough attention and be enough for each of the four children.
This morning I awoke again with tears because she still hadn't come. (My brother's birthday was yesterday and I thought it would be so sweet to share a birthday with him. I was so sad.) But then the thought came that I should write a letter to my little one. What would I say if I could talk to her right now...

My sweet daughter,
We are so eager for you arrive! Bree and Gabe have been praying for days now that you will be born...they can't wait to hold you, to play with you, and to teach you all they know. You have the BEST daddy ever. Honestly, there aren't more blessed children anywhere than his...you should be so excited cause he will play with you, tickle you, tease you, read with you, and bless you with all the blessings the priesthood of God offers. I just want to tell you that even though I struggle, I am really excited to be your mom. I feel blessed to have you in our family and know there will be things that you will teach me and I am so excited for that. We are going to have so much fun :) We will read together, have dance parties, do play dough, have tea parties with Bree, cook delicious food, pray together, and laugh a lot. This world is scary, but we are working hard to make our home a safe haven. A place where you can feel peace, and joy and hopefully feel the spirit of the Lord daily.  
So it's ok...stay up there as long as you want. Because then you can learn everything you can and bring it with you to teach your parents, and Bree, Gabe and McKay. They are so anxious for you to come and are going to love you so much. Your dad and I already do and just can't wait to see your sweet face. Hope to see you soon my sweet angel.

With love,


Lisa said...

What a cute Mom you are. Your baby will come soon enough. I'm sure she'll have your infectious smile. I have to smile when I think of you and your happy face. Barbara Barrington Jones is going to be talking in Heber next month and I'm going to go. Good ole Jr. Miss days, 13 years ago! I guess it never ends for you. Good luck with your delivery!

Phyllis Bestor said...

I guess that one needs to be grateful that this precious little baby is constantly growing and becoming stronger right where she is! Wish I were closer to pitch in with whatever! Maybe you will decide to come back to Utah one of these days and then we can bond as grandmother, granddaughter and great granddaughter. Love you all

melissa said...

Oh Jes. So sweet. I only have two kids and I can relate to so many things you say in this post! And I read above that you have moved by now to Chicago! What an adventure. Please keep us posted.

Sarah is an angel. Love Lizzy's blog too!