It has been a week of waiting, unmet expectations, and a lot of disappointment. And really it is only my own fault. Even though my Dr. thought I would have her my now, I still shouldn't have gotten my hopes up so high. At my appointment a week and a half ago my Dr. said, "Oh you will most likely have her this week." 80% effaced and 2 cm dilated. So I made plans accordingly. A week passes, Thursday comes and he is surprised I'm still pregnant, checks me and since I have gone to 3 cm asks if I want him to strip my membranes. "Do you want to go into labor?" he asks with a smile? "Cause if I do this then you probably will..." "YES!" I exclaim. Please!
Now it is Sunday.
But honesty I wouldn't want to come to earth either. This world is so scary. She is in a safe, beautiful, calm place right now with others who love her. She probably doesn't want to say good-bye to all of them. And she is coming as the fourth child. To a mom who is trying but frankly, struggles. A mom who is scared about being able to give enough attention and be enough for each of the four children.
This morning I awoke again with tears because she still hadn't come. (My brother's birthday was yesterday and I thought it would be so sweet to share a birthday with him. I was so sad.) But then the thought came that I should write a letter to my little one. What would I say if I could talk to her right now...

My sweet daughter,
We are so eager for you arrive! Bree and Gabe have been praying for days now that you will be born...they can't wait to hold you, to play with you, and to teach you all they know. You have the BEST daddy ever. Honestly, there aren't more blessed children anywhere than his...you should be so excited cause he will play with you, tickle you, tease you, read with you, and bless you with all the blessings the priesthood of God offers. I just want to tell you that even though I struggle, I am really excited to be your mom. I feel blessed to have you in our family and know there will be things that you will teach me and I am so excited for that. We are going to have so much fun :) We will read together, have dance parties, do play dough, have tea parties with Bree, cook delicious food, pray together, and laugh a lot. This world is scary, but we are working hard to make our home a safe haven. A place where you can feel peace, and joy and hopefully feel the spirit of the Lord daily.  
So it's ok...stay up there as long as you want. Because then you can learn everything you can and bring it with you to teach your parents, and Bree, Gabe and McKay. They are so anxious for you to come and are going to love you so much. Your dad and I already do and just can't wait to see your sweet face. Hope to see you soon my sweet angel.

With love,
Mom

It's been a nice couple weeks here at Harmon's Haven. Complete with 1/2 Birthdays, Pioneer Day, and more swimming. Oh ya, and too. much. sugar. Of course we have to have treats when we have a celebration of some sort, but also I have been having some major sugar cravings?!! The kids haven't minded one bit :)
It started Monday with an extra fun "summer time" Family Home Evening trip to the movies. Dispicable Me 2 was the choice, and it was a good one :) Then of course we had to have a Family Home Evening Treat (the part they all look forward to) of root beer floats. Delic.
Tuesday was Bree's special day...6 1/2 years old! I think my kids think that everyone celebrates 1/2 birthdays. They tell the everyone from the cashiers at the store to the neighbors next door, "It's my 1/2 birthday today!" Most of the time they get a slightly confused look in return. It makes me laugh cause they don't even notice. I don't make it as big of a deal as their REAL birthday, but there are definite perks: Pick what we eat for dinner (Bree chose tacos and Gabe chose homemade pizza), choose a treat at Sprouts (Bree chose gummy Sunkist circles and Gabe chose those rather disgusting blue gummy sharks...not a fan personally), and they both got to invite a couple friends over for swimming. Not too shabby. They are such sweet kids and I love having excuses to do fun things with and for them.
Wednesday brought the holiday, Pioneer Day. This is an official Utah holiday, complete with parades and fireworks. Here however, we had to create our own. So we got out the halloween costumes for the day (always a huge hit) had a BBQ and did some sparklers. Perfect.

Bree and Gabe have been doing so great with their summer school work, both impressing me with their reading and math skills. I love being able to teach them something and watch the look on their faces when they get it! Seeing their confidence soar as they sound out a new word or write something on their own...the best. McKay is also learning new things, like putting plastic beads up his nose (oh boy was a bit eventful getting that out. Picture holding down a screaming boy while daddy goes in with tweezers. Yes there was blood. But he is ok!) and has been going to the bathroom on the toilet! Mostly he has master going poop...not to be graffic, but he wets his diaper which triggers him knowing what is coming next, tells me and we run to the toilet for the next half. It's great, but it's not a full transition. I think a couple of days in underwear and he would get it, but with the baby coming so soon I think I had better wait. But boy is he proud :) Another fun part of these past two weeks is that Robbie has been working from home a lot. The best part about that is we get him for almost two extra hours each day since he doesn't have to make the drive! It's the BEST!!
Then this past week we have had fun mostly swimming and preparing for Harmon baby #4. I am almost finished turning the nursery from boy (ok, let's be honest it was left over stuff from when Bree was a baby and just kind of adequate for boy or girl) to a real GIRL nursery! I am so excited and can't wait for the cute yellow and gray bumper I ordered (thank you Robbie!). I go in there and sit on the rocking chair and imagine those late night feedings...something I will look forward to actually cause it will be the only "alone" time with my sweet baby. At my last two appointments I have been 75% effaced and dilated 2 cm. I realized last night that I need to stop hoping (ok kind of planning) that "today is the day!" and just realize it could be two more weeks and I just need to enjoy this time with my children before we add to the chaos.
So goal for this next week, just enjoy this time :) One more week before school starts for Bree so we are going to make the best of it!